The Galloway Wedding

Recently I had the great privilege of serving as the “best man” in Greg (Aaron) & Autumn Galloway’s wedding. After receiving some requests for a copy of the speech I gave during their reception, I decided to share it publicly and make it available for anyone interested. What follows are the feeble words I offered to the newly wedded couple; they still drastically fall short of conveying my love for them, and infinitely more so the worth of our God.

The script:

Good afternoon, I’d like to thank all of you for being a part of this celebration with us. I have the great honor, the immense privilege of serving as Greg’s best man today. So at this time, I’d like to share some things with everyone. I’ve known Greg (not Aaron, it’ll never be Aaron) since middle school. He actually attempted to trick me into believing he was a set of twins, and since I met Greg first, he will forever be Greg to me. And this twinless guy is truly like a brother to me.

My wife Kat and I still remember the evening Greg first told us about Autumn… [ad lib.] And we’ve gotten to watch their relationship grow into something deep. I remember vividly some long conversations with Greg as he wondered if he would ever see this day, and now it is here. He has found what is good, he has found a wife.

And while this is a very beautiful day in the life of Greg and Autumn, there is a deeper grander to behold. We believe that this day, this ceremony and reception, is not ultimately about celebrating the marriage of Greg and Autumn, but rather us celebrating the love that Christ has displayed for His bride. In Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus, he writes in chapter five about the truth that marriage is not ultimately about sex or social stability or personal fulfillment; rather marriage was created to be a human reflection of the ultimate love relationship with the Lord. It points to the true marriage that our souls need and the true family our hearts want. For me personally, I never even really caught a good glimpse of the fuller meaning of this truth (of what it means for us, the church, being referred to as the bride of Christ) before mine and Kat’s wedding day. When those doors opened, and she walked into the wedding chapel room, looking beyond incredibly amazing, yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit it… I teared up as it all began to hit me.

We, the church, are not called Christ’s wife, but His bride… Think about that for a moment… The groom does not look upon his bride on their wedding day and think about her imperfections, but is rather intensely focused on her precious qualities and beautiful attributes. On the wedding day, the groom is overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude, and devotion. Because this bride, standing adorned before her groom: she is his. He sees only her, and no one can deter his gaze. She alone catches his eye and she alone can hold his attention.

So, in this wedding, in this marriage between Greg and Autumn, we catch a beautiful reflective glimpse of Christ. When marriage seems unfair, we are to be reminded that Jesus never sought out equality, fairness, and happiness. Instead, He humbled Himself, taking the form of a servant, and endured grossly unfair treatment for the joy set before Him, in redeeming the church as His bride. That is our model and our means for authentic marriage.

So Greg, don’t ever forget how beautiful Autumn looks today, and how she is completely dressed up in splendor, having been presented to you as a beautiful, radiant, spotless bride. That is how Christ sees us, His chosen loved ones whom He died for, and He calls us His bride. His pursuit of us is fierce and unwavering, His affection for us is strong and deep, His love for us is abiding and unending. Our hope is that this glorious Gospel is preached through Greg and Autumn’s marriage, as God has chosen the story of their lives to be a shadow of His much greater narrative.

Because when we arrive at eternity’s shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more, we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, Christ’s bride will come together and we’ll sing, You’re beautiful!!! Thank you all for being a part of this wedding, to celebrate not just Greg and Autumn’s marital union, but our great God and King: Jesus.

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Why Marriage (Really) Isn’t For You

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There is an article currently going around entitled “Marriage Isn’t For You” that rightly explains that marriage should not be a self-centered commitment in which oneself is concerned only with their own happiness. C.S. Lewis actually addressed this in his work Mere Christianity when he stated, “The natural life in each of us is something self-centred, something that wants to be petted and admired, to take advantage of other lives, to exploit the whole universe. . . . [The natural life] knows that if the spiritual life gets hold of it, all its self-centredness and self-will are going to be killed and it is ready to fight tooth and nail to avoid that.”

As I was reading the article though, I kept getting this nagging feeling that something big was missing… while the article makes some very good points, it is overall a bit short-sighted. It claims that marriage is not about yourself, but rather about your spouse, that it’s about family. That it is about making them happy and helping them to realize and actualize “their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams.” I would agree that falling in love in a Christian way is to say to your potential spouse, ‘I am excited about your future and I want to be a part of getting you there. I’m signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It’s going to be hard, but I want to get there, and get there with you.’ However, there is more beyond that.

While I think this article truly has good intentions and contains some great truths, I don’t believe that it takes its thesis anywhere near far enough. What if marriage is not about who you marry, but why? What if being ‘in love’ isn’t a good enough reason to get married? What if dating isn’t about finding ‘the one,’ but about serving the One who loves you most? What if marriage isn’t about your happiness, but rather your holiness? Yes, marriage is not for you, but ultimately it is not just about or for your spouse either… it’s for God (Ephesians 5:22-33). It’s a shadow of something much greater than us.

The wedding ceremony and marriage between two people is not ultimately about celebrating the two of them, but rather it is celebrating the love that Christ has displayed for His Bride. Ephesians 5 tells us that marriage is not ultimately about sex or social stability or personal fulfillment; rather marriage was created to be a human reflection of the ultimate love relationship with the Lord. It points to the true marriage that our souls need and the true family our hearts want. For my wife and me, it is our hope to preach the Gospel through our marriage as God has chosen the story of our lives to be a shadow of His much greater narrative.

So, like the author claims, marriage is definitely not about making yourself “happy,” but it’s not always about making your spouse happy either. The marriage relationship between two people will never be unblemished and someday it will end in the death of one, and eventually both people. The only love that won’t disappoint you is one that can’t change, that can’t be lost, that is not based on the ups and downs of life or of how well you live. It is something that not even death can take away from you. God’s love is the only thing like that; God’s triune love is actually the most selfless love there is. True love is focused on God, and that sometimes means making people unhappy in order to draw them closer to God. Marriage is not simply about making your spouse smile or laugh every day. Marriage is not always about being nice, it’s about loving your spouse as God loves them. As C.S. Lewis eloquently explains in his work The Problem of Pain, “Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal.” Marriage isn’t merely about happiness, it’s about holiness.

Truthfully, this means that sometimes you will make your spouse sad, sometimes you will make your spouse angry, and sometimes you will even unfortunately make your spouse cry. However, the beauty of marriage is still displayed in these moments, where you challenge your spouse to better love God even when it makes them unhappy. Jesus even said, “I want you to follow me so fully, so intensely, so enduringly that all other attachments in your life look weak by comparison.” (Matthew 10:34-39; Luke 14:25-35; John 12:25-26)

So, the author did have it right: marriage isn’t for you, but it’s not for your spouse either; it’s also not just about the both of you… Marriage is meant to symbolize the beauty of the human soul espoused to Christ. As Martin Luther stated in The Freedom of a Christian, “Who can understand the riches of the glory of this grace? Here this rich and divine bridegroom Christ marries this poor, wicked harlot, redeems her from all her evil, and adorns her with all His goodness. Her sins cannot now destroy her, since they are laid upon Christ and swallowed up by Him. And she has that righteousness in Christ, her husband, of which she may boast as of her own and which she can confidently display alongside her sins in the face of death and hell and say, ‘Though I have sinned, yet my Christ, in whom I believe, has not sinned, and all His is mine and all mine is His.'” And our earthly marriage gets to be a reflection of that beautiful union. Marriage is ultimately for God.

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Related article: Pain in Marriage: For Your Joy

Covenant love.

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“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22

A ring doesn’t mean anything if you can’t haul the weight… Love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning, not a feeling, or a moment. I didn’t just make a promise to Kat on our wedding day. I made a covenant with our God to love and serve Kathryn until one of us dies, regardless of my feelings or her actions. In this promise, this oath, this covenant, this marriage, I’m not going anywhere. I am privileged and blessed to never stop pursuing my wife until my lungs are completely void of air.

Understanding the wickedness and selfishness of my heart; understanding Biblically that marriage is for my sanctification, not simply for my sexual pleasure, not to have better financial stability, not to have somebody to help clean the house, not to have someone to bring me water and meds when I’m sick, not just to have someone to give me children and then help raise them… no, God has displayed His love for me in that He gave me a wife to grow me more into the fullness of Him. This involves the further death of me and my selfishness. God has given me a wife to show me the areas in my life where I am tremendously selfish, self-centered, and still desirous of my own petty way. And much to my frustration, but eventual joy, Kat helps me see more how stupid I am on a daily basis.

This is God’s grace displayed in my life. The image of marriage in the Scriptures is this image of God, Christ, His bride, the bride’s rebellion, Christ’s love, His pursuit, His grace… In this earthly marriage, God has said, “I love you so much, that I’m gonna show you what it’s like to actually pursue you. So have fun, you’re gonna need Me.”

My marriage to Kathryn is ultimately about the two of us acknowledging, understanding, growing in, displaying, and celebrating the love that Christ has displayed for His bride. In Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus, he writes in chapter five about the truth that marriage is not ultimately about sex or social stability or personal fulfillment; rather marriage was created to be a human reflection of the ultimate love relationship with the Lord. It points to the true marriage that our souls need and the true family our hearts want.

For me personally, I never really even caught a good glimpse of the fuller meaning of this truth (of what it means for us, the church, being referred to as the bride of Christ) before mine and Kat’s wedding day. I mean, I had heard it taught on, read about it, thought about it, but the deep truth of Christ’s love for His bride had not yet really penetrated my heart or amazed my intellect. When those doors opened, and my bride, Kathryn, walked into the wedding chapel room looking beyond incredibly amazing, yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit it… I teared up as it all began to hit me.

We, the church, are not called Christ’s wife, but His bride… Think about that for a moment… The groom does not look upon his bride on their wedding day and think about her imperfections, but rather he is intensely focused on her precious qualities and beautiful attributes. On the wedding day, the groom is overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude, and devotion. Because this bride, standing adorned before her groom: she is his. He sees only her, and no one can deter his gaze. She alone catches his eye and she alone can hold his attention.

I will never forget how Kathryn looked that day, and how she was completely dressed up in splendor, having been presented to me as a beautiful, radiant, spotless bride. That is how Christ sees us, His chosen loved ones whom He died for, and He calls us His bride. His pursuit of us is fierce and unwavering, His affection for us is strong and deep, His love for us is abiding and unending. Our sincerest hope is that the Gospel is preached through our marriage, as God has chosen the story of our lives to be a shadow of His much greater narrative.

When I see and understand my marriage this way, and not as some kind of selfish contractual agreement with another person who exists only to serve me, make my life better, easier, and more enjoyable for myself, then it frees me up to not lay in bed at night and pout because I’m not getting what I want or not getting my way. Rather I better understand what is actually happening; I’m being sanctified, I’m being grown more into the fullness of Christ, that God is loving me in these circumstances (as difficult as they may be right now) in order that I may know Him and rely on His sufficient grace all the more. So I need to be more gracious, patient, humble, slow to anger, gentle, abounding in love and encouragement, and never stop pursuing my wife in Christ-like love.

Many people get from books, movies, television, etc. this idea that if you have married the right person (or if you’re just “with” the right person) you may expect to go on “being in love” forever, and it should come naturally and effortlessly. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake, or the other person fooled them, and they are entitled to a change – not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour of any new relationship will eventually go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one.

Because love and marriage are much more than the fleeting feelings of a new infatuation. Our wedding, our marriage, our family, our love, our lives are not meant to simply terminate on momentary happiness here in this lifetime on this earth, but to find and experience eternal joy as we celebrate our great God and King: Jesus. And when we arrive at eternity’s shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more, we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, Christ’s bride will come together and we’ll sing, You’re beautiful!